Freaking out

Freaking Out

March 18, 2020

Are you freaking out? So am I.

Over the past few days, I’ve been worrying about how this situation will turn out badly for me in the long run, both for my syndicated editorial cartoons and my licensed paintings.

Yes, that’s selfish.

We’re all in the same boat, dealing with this. We can still be empathetic while focusing on our own needs. Just like they say in that pre-flight briefing nobody listens to, “Secure your own oxygen mask first.”

The what-ifs have been flying fast and furious in my noggin’.

What if more newspapers close? What if retailers don’t order anything for months? What if the zoos don’t order prints for the rest of the year? What if I have to dip into my savings? What if I start going into debt? What if we get sick? What if my parents get sick? What if these restrictions get worse? What if we really do run out of toilet paper?

Yes, some of these could happen, but it’s unlikely for it to be the worst-case scenario, and even less likely I’d be unable to deal with it.

I already spend most of every day working at an accelerated pace, drawing new editorial cartoons as fast as I think of them, painting new images for licensing, fretting the details, trying to make this fiscal quarter exceed the last one.

The available information with this crisis is changing so fast that I’m ping-ponging back and forth between “I can handle this” and “I’m going to lose everything!”

I’m sure most of you can relate. And if not, I’ll have what she’s having!

This isolation home/work environment isn’t as unusual for me as it is for so many. But one thing that does come with this job is too much time in my head, leap-frogging from one cognitive distortion to the next.

If you’re unfamiliar with the term, you’re undoubtedly familiar with the behaviour. From the list of the 15 most common distortions, I engage in many of these on any given day, and that’s when times are good.

Right now, they’re lined up in a queue, waiting for their chance to occupy my present thoughts, and they’ve got no concern for social distancing.

The two ringleaders of this gang of hooligans in my own head are Catastrophizing and Polarized Thinking.

Catastrophizing means that I will always jump to the worst possible outcome in any situation I find threatening.

A weird sound in my car means the transmission is going or something equally expensive I can’t afford right now. A month where one newspaper doesn’t run my work as often as they have in previous months means all of my clients are suddenly going to decide they don’t need me anymore. The absence of thousands of followers in my newsletter or social media means nobody likes my art, and I’m going to lose my career. Gaining two pounds this week means I’m going to be 30 pounds overweight in a month.

There is no evidence to support any of this. I’ve got more evidence to support the opposite of every one of these false beliefs, but they feel true, and that’s where the struggle lies.

I had a 1994 Eagle Summit for 12 years, bought it when it was already seven years old. I loved that little car, looked after it, and it was fun to drive. I took it to the mechanic many times for regular maintenance, or when things went wrong, most of which were minor. At the end of its life, my mechanic said it was time to send it to the wrecker because this time, the transmission really was the problem, and it wasn’t worth fixing or selling it. So I donated it, got some money for the local SPCA, paid for half of my wife’s new car, and I took hers. And I love this car, too.

The worst thing in my mind actually did happen, and it worked out fine. But it only arrived at the end, not all of the other times I worried that it might.

In 2009, I lost nine newspapers in one day, when a national chain decided to get rid of all freelance cartoon submissions for weekly papers. I thought that was the end of my career. It wasn’t. The next year was better than the previous one.

I had a decent following on social media before I left the big three. A couple of months ago, I rejoined Instagram, and while my audience is growing, it seems slow. Neither decision had any impact on my income.

As for weight, I’m physically fit. As I approach 50, I’m in better shape now and weigh less than I have for most of my adult life. Even when I was at my heaviest, it was only 12 or 15 pounds more than I weigh now, that middle-age belly weight that sneaks up on everybody in their late 30s until you make healthier choices.

I catastrophized about all of it and still struggle with those and many other false beliefs to this day.

Polarized Thinking, also called Black-and-White Thinking, is the mindset that things are either all bad or all good. Logically I know that’s ridiculous. The world is one big grey area and most situations, problems and experiences fall within it.

Accepting that is hard when it seems like we’re taking one big hit after another, especially when all of the information is a BREAKING NEWS ALERT on how many people are sick or dying in the world from our latest foe.

My email alert sound should be a gunshot for how jarring it has become.

There are plenty of cognitive distortions, and I suspect anyone immune to them is a sociopath. Because cognitive distortions are all about feelings and people are feeling creatures.

This heightened level of anxiety is unsustainable, and today I find it waning a little. I’m taking a lot of deep sighs, stretching, and letting my tense shoulders relax a bit. I’m still anxious, of course, but it’s the baseline anxiety I’m already used to. Still not healthy, but I can handle it for now.

All of this makes me uncomfortable, not knowing what comes next. But I realized yesterday that I’ve been here before. When I quit my job 15 years ago, I had no idea if I could make a full-time go of this art for a living. The difference was that it was my choice, and if I failed, I could just get a job to shore up the losses. Neither of those is true right now, but the uncertainty is the same.

How long will this last? That’s the big question.

But another question worth asking, what if this is an opportunity?

It’s tempting to fire off more editorial cartoons to try to get as many of the open freelance daily spots as possible, but all that will do is dilute my idea pool, lower how much I’m making per hour, and ultimately mean that a lot of cartoons, and effort, will be wasted. So what to do with the time? I can always paint more animals. I’m always complaining about not having enough time to paint. Part of that, however, is that I want to get as many images available for licensing as possible. But I’ve already got a sizeable portfolio; nobody’s buying right now, so why rush to get more out there during this challenging time?

 

ReaperI can work on painting experiments, images that might not be right for licensing now, but could open up avenues later. I now have the time for some exploration, to throw some things at the wall and see what sticks.

I can write. Not just blogs, but fiction, stories I’ve wanted to tell. I’ve already been doing that this year but it’s a struggle to make the time. I have that now.

Or perhaps I could just be bored for a while. Creativity LOVES boredom. When you slow down, turn off the TV, put down the devices, stop panic-scrolling and just sit and simmer, your mind has the freedom to wander.

I’m uncomfortable right now. I’m afraid. I’m stressed.

What if those aren’t bad things? What if there are ideas hidden behind doors in my mind that I’ve been afraid to open? What if I’ve been so focused on keeping the revenue I’ve got, chasing the next dollar, that I’m missing opportunities that might now show up? What if they’ve always been there and I’ve been too busy to notice?

It’s kind of like driving a familiar route every day, and it isn’t until you’re a passenger one trip that you get to really take a look around. Has that barn always been there? I didn’t know there was a llama in with those horses.

Unlike a localized event or disaster somewhere else, we’re all going through this. When this is over, we will all have our individual stories. Nobody’s life is the same right now as it was a few months ago before most of us had ever heard of Covid-19.

How we cope with it will be an individual choice. What changes will we each embrace when we come out the other side, things we’re forced to do without now that later we’ll decide we never needed?

I’m still going to go back and forth between moments of panic and acceptance. I know that. But I also know this storm shall pass, and it is only when things get bad that we grow. Nobody changes when things are comfortable.

A lot is going on in the world besides the coronavirus, even though its shadow falls upon everything. People are dying of things they were already dying from—heart attacks, car accidents, strokes; you name it. Diseases are being diagnosed, houses are burning down or flooding, businesses are folding, relationships are ending, and families are grieving.

And yet, babies are being born. In all this isolation, babies are definitely being conceived. Artists are creating art; musicians are playing music, writers are writing, teachers are still teaching, professionally and otherwise. Discoveries are being made, buildings are going up, and adventures are being planned.

In many parts of the world, people are still pausing to watch a sunrise with a profound sense of gratitude.

Are you still freaking out? So am I.

Take a breath. Take another.

Keep doing that.

Find the perfect Wacom tablet for your “working from home” style and space

Small Desk or Tablet Icon

Small Desk or Table

Dedicated Work Space Icon

Dedicated Work Space

Office or Studio Icon

Office or Studio

spectrum

Small Desk or Tablet Icon

Wacom Intuos Pro Small

Proven, compact pen
tablet for drawing and photo editing. Perfect for small work surfaces.

Includes 2 months of Photoshop and Lightroom

software icon

Photoshop and Lightroom

$249.95

Shop now →

Dedicated Work Space Icon

Draw on screen

Wacom Cintiq 16

Feature-packed pen display for next level illustrations. 16” screen fits any work space.

Includes up to 6 months of

$649.95

Shop now →

Dedicated Work Space Icon

Wacom Intuos Pro Medium

All the features you need for drawing, sketching and photo editing. Great tablet for more spacious surfaces.

Includes 2 months of Photoshop and Lightroom

software icon

Photoshop and Lightroom

$379.95

Shop now →

Office or Studio Icon

Draw on screen

cintiq22

Wacom Cintiq 22

Large 21.5” HD display perfect for creating detailed illustrations, paintings and animations.

Includes up to 6 months of

$1,199.95

Shop now →

Patrick LaMontagne

About Patrick LaMontagne

Patrick LaMontagne, and is a cartoonist and digital painter.  After answering an ad in the Banff Crag and Canyon newspaper in 1997, Patrick suddenly found himself with a weekly editorial cartoon.  In 2001, he accepted a position as the editorial cartoonist with The Rocky Mountain Outlook newspaper, the same year he became nationally syndicated. By 2005, he was a full-time cartoonist and illustrator, despite having never received any formal art training.

While he has drawn a lot of different things over the years, his whimsical animal paintings are what he enjoys painting most.  Two of these digital paintings received Guru Awards at the 2010 Photoshop World Conference in Las Vegas, including the Best in Show.  Another one earned the Best in Show in 2014.

He and his wife Shonna continue their pursuit of happily ever after in Canmore, Alberta, surrounded by the beauty of the Canadian Rockies.

 

External Links

Website

Blog

Instagram

Related posts:

Why Switching to Wacom Is Making Me a More Efficient Creative Director

Why Switching to Wacom Is Making Me a More Efficient Creative Director

Inspiring Illustrative Poster Designs

Inspiring Illustrative Poster Designs

Explore Creativity Without Boundaries: Wacom Bridge Now Available for Public Beta with NICE DCV 

Explore Creativity Without Boundaries: Wacom Bridge Now Available for Public Beta with NICE DCV 

Ben Von Wong: Irrelevancy as fuel to generate collective action

Ben Von Wong: Irrelevancy as fuel to generate collective action

Connect with Wacom on social media

Let's dive in with @alexferreiraa to learn how to improve our poses using the #WacomMovink and the 2D workflow to push them to the next level. Check out the full video through the link in our bio or head to @animationflow.academy YouTube channel. 
#animationflow #madewithwacom #characteranimation
240 3
Looking for a gift that will thrill a 7-year-old, a dad, or a co-worker? 🎁⁣
Get them a #WacomIntuos!⁣
⁣
Perfect for sketching, animation, comics, photo retouching, and note-taking, it's a gift that will keep on giving. ⁣
⁣
Now on sale on the Wacom US estore 🏷️⁣
#WacomSale
125 1
#WacomWebinar Alert!⁣
⁣
Step into the world of animation with Oscar-nominated artist and beloved animation mentor, @aaronblaiseart. ⁣
⁣
In this exclusive webinar, Blaise will unveil his creative process – showing how real-life animal behavior and movement inspire him to design memorable, emotive animated characters. 🐻‍❄️⁣
⁣
Whether you’re a student, a professional animator, or simply a fan of Aaron Blaise’s work, this session offers invaluable guidance on infusing personality and expression into your own art. Register via the link in bio! ☝️⁣
⁣
#Wacom #Animation #DigitalArt #ConnectedInk #ConnectedInk2024
194 0
When author and @verabee had a fast deadline approaching, she was away from home and away from her usual work setup 😱

Enter Wacom Movink, a truly portable and powerful pen display she could use anywhere.

Watch the full video on our YouTube to hear her full #WacomMovink review, and to see her spot illustration process. And make sure to look out for Return to Sender, publishing in 2025!
#movink #creativeprofessionals #madewithwacom
#creativesonthego #digitalart
142 0
@zeythehuman reminds us that sharing your art with the world is essential, but so is protecting it. Yuify helps artists safeguard their work and identity, so you can showcase your creativity without worry.

🔒 Want to know how to protect your art? Visit Yuify.com for more info.

#WacomYuify #Yuify #CreativeRights #DigitalRightsManagement
125 6
Let's create a little magic this season...❄️🪄💜⁣
Art by the one and only @aaronblaiseart⁣
#animation #madewithwacom #aaronblaise #snowbear
1380 6
✍🏻 The flagship pen for the ultimate feel

Wacom Pro Pen 3 is not a generic design meant for everyone. Instead, it is the ultimate companion for professional creatives and promises the best pen experience. Wacom is committed to its claim “to deliver the best pen experience” and leaves no stone unturned to keep this promise.

Engineered for adaptability and precision, the Wacom Pro Pen 3 offers unparalleled customization options, making it an essential tool for professionals in digital art, design, and beyond. 🚀

Discover how the Pro Pen 3 is redefining creative possibilities. Link in bio.

#PrideOfWacom #WacomProPen3 #digitalink
238 15
👻 You cannot either run or hide from these digital nightmares 🏃🏻😅

Add yours in the comments below ⬇️

#HappyHalloween #WacomMovink
487 10
🎥 Tutorial: How to Create an Export on Wacom Yuify

Ready to take your creative projects to the next level? Join artist Zeynep Alpay @zeythehuman as she shows you the simple steps to export your work on Wacom Yuify! Whether you’re working on detailed illustrations or designs, knowing how to export seamlessly is essential. 💼✨

Take control of your digital rights with these easy-to-follow tips and make the most of #WacomYuify!

Register for free in Yuify.com

#Yuify #DigitalRightsManagement #CreativeRights #MadeWithWacom
85 1
Nightmare on Hand Drawing Street 🧟‍♂️🤌🏼😱
Tips from @lplucas to overcome fear of drawing perfectly. 
What are some of your drawing nightmares? 
#wacomtips #digitalart #arttips #clipstudiopaint #madewithwacom #halloweenart
3820 27
Go go goooo @javadoodles 🏁✈️🧳🌎
Coast to coast, from one project to the next, always ready to go with Wacom Movink. 
#WacomMovink #creativesonthego #creativeprofessionals
2375 16
Ricardo Alves @ricardoalvesj , a seasoned artist with more than 12 years of experience developing characters and creatures for the entertainment industry, met us at this year’s @thu_official and shared with us how Wacom has been a part of his career from the beginning. 🚀

Currently, he uses the Wacom Movink to get the quality he needs while he’s on-the-go!

Stay tuned for part 2! 👀

#WacomMovink #CreativeProfessionals
131 3